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theburiedlife:

Reading a few letters we received recently. Liked this advice. -Duncan

theburiedlife:

19 Things To Stop Doing In Your 20s

1. Stop placing all the blame on other people for how they interact with you. To an extent, people treat you the way you want to be treated. A lot of social behavior is cause and effect. Take responsibility for (accept) the fact that you are the only constant variable in your equation.

2. Stop being lazy by being constantly “busy.” It’s easy to be busy. It justifies never having enough time to clean, cook for yourself, go out with friends, meet new people. Realize that every time you give in to your ‘busyness,’ it’s you who’s making the decision, not the demands of your job.

3. Stop seeking out distractions. You will always be able to find them.

4. Stop trying to get away with work that’s “good enough.” People notice when “good enough” is how you approach your job. Usually these people will be the same who have the power to promote you, offer you a health insurance plan, and give you more money. They will take your approach into consideration when thinking about you for a raise.

5. Stop allowing yourself to be so comfortable all the time. Coming up with a list of reasons to procrastinate risky, innovative decisions offers more short-term gratification than not procrastinating. But when you stop procrastinating to make a drastic change, your list of reasons to procrastinate becomes a list of ideas about how to better navigate the risk you’re taking.

6. Stop identifying yourself as a cliche and start treating yourself as an individual. Constantly checking your life against a prewritten narrative or story of how things “should” be is a bought-into way of life. It’s sort of like renting your identity. It isn’t you. You are more nuanced than the narrative you try to fit yourself into, more complex than the story that “should” be happening.

7. Stop expecting people to be better than they were in high school — learn how to deal with it instead. Just because you’re out of high school doesn’t mean you’re out of high school. There will always be people in your life who want what you have, are threatened by who you are, and will ridicule you for doing something that threatens how they see their position in the world.

8. Stop being stingy. If you really care about something, spend your money on it. There is often a notion that you are saving for something. Either clarify what that thing is or start spending your money on things that are important to you. Spend money on road trips. Spend money on healthy food. Spend money on opportunities. Spend money on things you’ll keep.

9. Stop treating errands as burdens. Instead, use them as time to focus on doing one thing, and doing it right. Errands and chores are essentially rote tasks that allow you time to think. They function to get you away from your phone, the internet, and other distractions. Focus and attention span are difficult things to maintain when you’re focused and attentive on X amount of things at any given moment.

10. Stop blaming yourself for being human. You’re fine. Having a little anxiety is fine. Being scared is fine. Your secrets are fine. You’re well-meaning. You’re intelligent. You’re blowing it out of proportion. You’re fine.

11. Stop ignoring the fact that other people have unique perspectives and positions. Start approaching people more thoughtfully. People will appreciate you for deliberately trying to conceive their own perspective and position in the world. It not only creates a basis for empathy and respect, it also primes people to be more open and generous with you.

12. Stop seeking approval so hard. Approach people with the belief that you’re a good person. It’s normal to want the people around you to like you. But it becomes a self-imposed burden when almost all your behavior toward certain people is designed to constantly reassure you of their approval.

13. Stop considering the same things you’ve always done as the only options there are. It’s unlikely that one of the things you’ll regret when you’re older is not having consumed enough beer in your 20s, or not having bought enough $5 lattes, or not having gone out to brunch enough times, or not having spent enough time on the internet. Fear of missing out is a real, toxic thing. You’ve figured out drinking and going out. You’ve experimented enough. You’ve gotten your fill of internet memes. Figure something else out.

14. Stop rejecting the potential to feel pain. Suffering is a universal constant for sentient beings. It is not unnatural to suffer. Being in a constant state of suffering is bad. But it is often hard to appreciate happiness when there’s nothing to compare it to. Rejecting the potential to suffer is unsustainable and unrealistic.

15. Stop approaching adverse situations with anger and frustration. You will always deal with people who want things that seem counter to your interests. There will always be people who threaten to prevent you from getting what you want by trying to get what they want. This is naturally frustrating. Realize that the person you’re dealing with is in the same position as you — by seeking out your own interests, you threaten to thwart theirs. It isn’t personal — you’re both just focused on getting different things that happen to seem mutually exclusive. Approach situations like these with reason. Be calm. Don’t start off mad, it’ll only make things more tense.

16. Stop meeting anger with anger. People will make you mad. Your reaction to this might be to try and make them mad. This is something of a first-order reaction. That is, it isn’t very thoughtful — it may be the first thing you’re inclined to do. Try to suppress this reaction. Be thoughtful. Imagine your response said aloud before you say it. If you don’t have to respond immediately, don’t.

17. Stop agreeing to do things that you know you’ll never actually do. It doesn’t help anyone. To a certain extent, it’s a social norm to be granted a ‘free pass’ when you don’t do something for someone that you said you were going to do. People notice when you don’t follow through, though, especially if it’s above 50% of the time.

18. Stop ‘buying’ things you know you’ll throw away. Invest in friendships that aren’t parasitic. Spend your time on things that aren’t distractions. Put your stock in fleeting opportunity. Focus on the important.

19. Stop being afraid.

-Thought Catalog 

theburiedlife:

Here are ten ideas for writing a life story worth living:

1. Find a passion that makes you come alive. – Each new day is a blank page in the story of your life.  The secret is in turning that blank page into the best chapter you possibly can.  Don’t ask what the world needs.  Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it.  Because what the world needs, and what every great story has, are characters who have come alive in the pursuit of something that inspires them.
2. Work hard on that passion. – The best dreams happen when you’re wide awake and working hard on something you’re passionate about.  A dream is your creative vision for your life in the future.  You must break out of your current comfort zone and become comfortable with the new and unfamiliar.  So dream big, pursue your passion, and give yourself permission to work toward a future you know you are capable of creating. Read The 4-Hour Workweek.
3. Live happily in your own way. – You are not in this world to live up to the expectations of others, nor should you feel that others are here to liveup to yours.  Pave your own unique path.  What success means to each of us is totally different.  Success to some may mean fancy cars and homes.  Success to others may mean being a good parent, spouse, or friend.  For others, it may mean to simply be happy.  Or it can be all of the above.  Remember, success is ultimately about spending your life happily in your own way.
4. Change your path when you must, but keep moving forward. – There are thousands of possible paths one could take up the mountain of life.  You get to choose which one you take, and you can jump from one path to another if you run into a hazardous road block.  All of these paths are unique, but lead in a similar general direction, so it really doesn’t matter which path you start off on.  The only mistake you can make is by wasting time running around at the base of the mountain, telling everyone that your life path is wrong.
5. When the going gets tough, keep fighting. – The wisest, most loving, well rounded people you have met are likely those who have known failure, known defeat, known suffering, and have found their way out of the depths of their own despair.  These people have experienced many ups and downs, and have gained an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, understanding, and a deep loving concern.  People like this aren’t born; they develop slowly over the course of a lifetime.  Read The Road Less Traveled.
6. Let go of the past and live consciously in the present. – Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.  The past is a good place to visit on occasion, but not a great place to stay.  Don’t sit around trying to relive or change your past when you have priceless moments unfolding in front of you and your entire future to look forward to.
7. Embrace new ideas, lessons, and challenges. – Sometimes growing up means growing apart from old habits, relationships, and situations, and finding something new that truly moves you.  There is nothing more wonderful than seeing life as an adventure.  You should try things that you’re afraid of.  You should look very clearly into the unknown and enjoy it.  Because when you come in contact with things that you don’t know, that’s when you’re learning, growing, and truly living.
8. Appreciate the little things in life that mean a lot. – What if you woke up tomorrow with only the things you were thankful for today?  Think of all the beauty that remains around you, and be happy.  Be thankful for all the small things in your life, because when you put them all together you will see just how significant they are.  Remember, it’s not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy. Read The Happiness Project.
9. Live honorably through kindness. – If you live honorably, no matter how old you get, you’ll never lose your beauty; it will just gradually shift from your face to your heart.  And remember, there is no better exercise for the heart than reaching out and holding the hand of someone in need.
10. Spend quality time with people you love. – Lost time is never found again.  People don’t live forever.  Appreciate what you have, who loves you and who cares for you.  You’ll never know how much they mean to you until the day they are no longer beside you.  Spend lots of quality time with the people you love.  Someday you will either regret not doing so, or you will say, “I’m glad I did.”

theburiedlife:

48 Important Truths I’ve Learned About Life

1. You can’t change other people, and it’s rude to try.

2. If you’re talking to someone you don’t know well, you may be talking to someone who knows way more about whatever you’re talking about than you do.

3. Everyone likes somebody who gets to the point quickly.

4. Bad moods will come and go your whole life, and trying to force them away makes them run deeper and last longer.

5. Children are remarkably honest creatures until we teach them not to be.

6. If everyone in the TV show you’re watching is good-looking, it’s not worth watching.

7. Yelling always makes things worse.

8. Whenever you’re worried about what others will think of you, you’re really just worried about what you’ll think of you.

9. Every problem you have is your responsibility, regardless of who caused it.

10. If you never doubt your beliefs, then you’re wrong a lot.

11. Nobody has it all figured out.

12. Every passing face on the street represents a story every bit as compelling and complicated as yours.

13. Ralph Waldo Emerson’s works alone can teach you everything you need to know about living with grace and happiness.

14. When people are uncomfortable with the present moment, they fidget with their hands or their minds. Watch and see.

15. Those who complain the most, accomplish the least.

16. Putting something off makes it instantly harder and scarier.

17. A person who is unafraid to present a candid version of herself to the world is as rare as diamonds.

18. If what you’re doing feels perfectly safe, there is probably a better course of action.

19. The greatest innovation in the history of humankind is language.

20. Blame is the favorite pastime of those who dislike responsibility.

21. Everyone you meet is better than you at something.

22. Knowledge is belief, nothing more.

23. What makes human beings different from animals is that animals can be themselves with ease.

24. Whoever you are, you will die. To know and understand that means you are alive.

25. High quality is worth any quantity, in possessions, friends and experiences.

26. The world would be a better place if everyone read National Geographic.

27. If you aren’t happy single, you won’t be happy in a relationship.

28. Even if it costs no money, nothing is free if it takes time.

29. “Gut feeling” is not just a euphemism. Tension in the abdomen speaks volumes about how you truly feel about something, beyond all arguments and rationales.

30. Everyone thinks they’re an above average driver.

31. By default, people think far too much.

32. If anything is worth splurging on, it’s a high-quality mattress. You’ll spend a third of your life using it.

33. There is nothing worse than having no friends.

34. Words are immensely powerful. One cruel remark can wound someone for life.

35. It’s easy to make someone’s day just by being uncommonly pleasant to them.

36. It is worth re-trying foods that you didn’t like at first.

37. Problems, when they arise, are rarely as painful as the experience of fearing them.

38. Nothing — ever — happens exactly like you pictured it.

39. North Americans are generally terrible at accepting compliments and offers of help.

40. There are not enough women in positions of power. The world has suffered from this deficit for a long time.

41. Anyone can be calmed in an instant by looking at the ocean or the stars.

42. Life is a solo trip, but you’ll have lots of visitors. Some of them are long-term, most aren’t.

43. The fewer possessions you have, the more they do for you.

45. Einstein was wiser than he was intelligent, and he was a genius.

46. Wishing things were different is a great way to torture yourself.

47. The ability to be happy is nothing other than the ability to come to terms with how things change.

48. Killing time is an atrocity. It’s priceless, and it never grows back.

-Thought Catalog 

(Source: theburiedlife)

theburiedlife:

When my grandmother, Zelda, passed away a few years ago at the age of 90, she left me with a box of miscellaneous items from her house that she knew I had grown to appreciate over the years.  Among these items is an old leather-bound journal that she aptly named her ‘Inspiration Journal.’

Throughout the second half of her life, she used this journal to jot down ideas, thoughts, quotes, song lyrics, and anything else that moved her.  She would read excerpts from her journal to me when I was growing up, and I would listen and ask questions.  I honestly credit a part of who I am now to the wisdom she bestowed on me when I was young.

Today I want to share some of these inspiring excerpts with you.  I’ve done my best to sort, copyedit, and reorganize the content into twelve inspiring bullet points.  Enjoy.

1. Breathe in the future, breathe out the past.  No matter where you are or what you’re going through, always believe that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  Never expect, assume, or demand.  Just do your best, control the elements you can control, and then let it be.  Because once you have done what you can, if it is meant to be, it will happen, or it will show you the next step that needs to be taken.
2. Life CAN be simple again.  Just choose to focus on one thing at a time.  You don’t have to do it all, and you don’t have to do it all right now.  Breathe, be present, and do your best with what’s in front of you.  What you put into life, life will eventually give you back many times over.  
   
3. Let others take you as you are, or not at all.  Speak your truth even if your voice shakes.  By being yourself, you put something beautiful intothe world that was not there before.  So walk your path confidently and don’t expect anyone else to understand your journey, especially if they have not been exactly where you are going.
4. You are not who you used to be, and that’s OK.  You’ve been hurt; you’ve gone through numerous ups and downs that have made you who you are today.  Over the years, so many things have happened – things that have changed your perspective, taught you lessons, and forced your spirit to grow.  As time passes, nobody stays the same, but some people will still tell you that you have changed.  Respond to them by saying, “Of course I’ve changed.  That’s what life is all about.  But I’m still the same person, just a little stronger than I ever was before.”
5. Everything that happens helps you grow, even if it’s hard to see right now.  Circumstances will direct you, correct you, and perfect you over time.  So whatever you do, hold on to hope.  The tiniest thread will twist into an unbreakable cord.  Let hope anchor you in the possibility that this is not the end of your story – that the change in the tides will eventually bring you to peaceful shores.
6. Do not educate yourself to be rich, educate yourself to be happy.  That way when you get older you’ll know the value of things, not the price.  In the end, you will come to realize that the best days are the days when you don’t need anything extreme or special to happen to make you smile.  You simply appreciate the moments and feel gratitude, seeking nothing else, nothing more.  That is what true happiness is all about.  
   
7. Be determined to be positive.  Understand that the greater part of your misery or unhappiness is determined not by your circumstances, but by your attitude.  So smile at those who often try to begrudge or hurt you, show them what’s missing in their life and what they can’t take away from you.
8. Pay close attention to those you care about.  Sometimes when a loved one says, “I’m okay,” they need you to look them in the eyes, hug them tight, and reply, “I know you’re not.”  And don’t be too upset if some people only seem to remember you when they need you.  Feel privileged that you are like a beacon of light that comes to their minds when there is darkness in their lives.
9. Sometimes you have to let a person go so they can grow.  Because, over the course of their lives, it is not what you do for them, but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will make them a successful human being. 
10. Sometimes getting the results you crave means stripping yourself of people that don’t serve your best interests.  This allows you to make space for those who support you in being the absolute best version of yourself.  It happens gradually as you grow.  You find out who you are and what you want, and then you realize that people you’ve known forever don’t see things the way you do.  So you keep the wonderful memories, but find yourself moving on.
11. It’s better to look back on life and say, “I can’t believe I did that,” than to look back and say, “I wish I did that.”  In the end, people will judge you in some way anyway.  So don’t live your life trying to impress others.  Instead live your life impressing yourself.  Love yourself enough to never lower your standards for anyone.  
    
12. If you’re looking for a happy ending and can’t seem to find one, maybe it’s time to start looking for a new beginning.  Brush yourself off and accept that you have to fail from time to time.  That’s how you learn.  The strongest people out there – the ones who laugh the hardest with a genuine smile – are the same people who have fought the toughest battles.  They’re smiling because they’ve decided that they’re not going to let anything hold them down, they’re moving on to a new beginning. 

-Marc and Angel